We tend to like people who like us — a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its upsides. Which one then is the better strategy for finding a partner? A team of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. In a new study, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , they show that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works — which this study sought to clear up. Of course, some are reluctant to employ this strategy, worrying that it’ll backfire and drive prospective partners away out of fear of being rejected. Indeed, in previous research the duo had shown that those who feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest will put more effort into seeing that person again, while rating the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions. However, in their latest undertaking the team tested tactics across three interrelated studies, which gave the impression that potential partners were hard to get, signaling their “mate value” by being, for example, selective in their partner choices. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite-sex, but who was in reality an insider — a member of the research team.
Playing hard to get might be a terrible idea if you actually like someone — here’s why
We tend to like people who like us—a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? A pair of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya have spent the last few years studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction.
Physical attractiveness of the other person is also particularly influential in online dating research as the largest predictor of attraction (Glasser, Robnett, &.
Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study.
The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies.
Why You Should Play Hard to Get Online
Jump to navigation. In essence, the rarer an object or experience is, the more desirable it becomes. Cialdini asserts that because the warring Capulet and Montague families hamper Romeo and Juliet from courting one and other , it actually encourages them to desire each other even more. As we all know, their ill-fated passion meets a tragic and fatal end.
Albeit self-imposed, being coy with a prospective partner generally increases their fancy for being with you. Over the last decade a substantial number of psychologists, behavioural scientists and sociologists have tried to get the bottom of why so many of us have either instigated or experienced a bout of playing hard to get.
Researchers examined the effects of playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a Date: June 8, ; Source: University of Rochester; Summary: online profile indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract.
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit?
For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention. There are many ways to do this, but people playing hard to get most often act confident, talk to others, and withhold sex, according to research published in the European Journal of Personality —all of which “may reflect Withholding information about yourself—or at least, your feelings—can be similarly alluring, according to a recent study in Psychological Science.
In the study, researchers asked women to look at the profiles of fictional men who had also supposedly looked at many women’s profiles, including theirs. Each woman was told she was looking at men who either liked her a lot, thought she was average, or whose feelings about her were unknown.
No matter how attractive you are, how much money you make, or how well you’ve perfected your dating profile, dating can still feel like a game that’s nearly impossible to win. Unfortunately, that’s truer than ever when conventional wisdom dictates that the best way for a woman to land a great guy is to keep him on his toes by playing hard to get.
Of course, that means you’ll frequently wonder how to tell if a girl is playing hard to get. Unfortunately, the practice of playing hard to get is probably not going anywhere.
In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles which made a potential date look either hard to get or.
I read with interest the Dating Secrets post Do the worlds of Match and eHarmony have that same rule? Or is online dating kind of one step beyond the “3-day rule,” when both parties are looking for love? I’ve only tried online dating once, briefly, and my experience was akin to many of those I’ve spoken to who have also ventured online: It was mixed. I spent enough time browsing profiles to garner this much info though: same rules apply.
Once we’ve taken the plunge to looking online it has to be a better crapshoot than a bar…. There’s never a reason to appear clingy, desperate, or over-eager; in fact, if you’re looking online the situation is so much more controlled that there is, in fact, no excuse for any of the above. Without being a jerk about it, being a little distant will always be a little sexy.
Online dating: Aim high, keep it brief, and be patient
I couldn’t believe how cool and collected and seemingly not interested the popular girls were in the guys who basically threw themselves at their feet. As I grew up I realized that playing hard to get isn’t cool, it’s manipulative. And it also perpetuates a lot of sexist thinking about women and furthers the divide between the genders needlessly. If I like you, I’m going to tell you that I like you and hope that you will one day let me cup your balls.
Playing hard to get is one of the common strategies that many people using when it comes to dating. However, did you know that if you don’t.
Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it’s not. When done correctly, it gives the relationship a bit of extra excitement. The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. Everyone has different limits, expectations and definitions of love. When you play hard to get, take into account the other person. After all, you are interested in them, no? You’re going to want to play the game carefully. Remember, as much as this is for you, it’s also for your crush.
Here’s how to do it effectively.
20 unwritten rules of online dating
The rules of dating have changed. Forget that stuff about playing hard to get, expecting the man to pay, and never having sex on a first date. Read on to discover the new rules of engagement. The writers are doing themselves no favours. Confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. The aim of the online dating game is to catch the eye of someone you have lots in common with.
You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and.
Please refresh the page and retry. M en should play hard to get if they want to attract the opposite sex on a first date otherwise women will see them as unmanly or manipulative, new research has shown. The studies worked on the basis that people often say that they seek a partner that is “responsive to their needs” and that such a partner would arouse their sexual interest. However it seems that in the early stages of dating, women are more turned on by unresponsive men. Professor Gurit Birnbaum of the Interdisciplinary Centre, Israel, said: “We still do not know why women are less sexually attracted to responsive strangers.
Women may perceive this person as inappropriately nice and manipulative, in that trying to obtain sexual favours, or eager to please, perhaps even as desperate, and therefore less sexually appealing. Regardless of the reasons, perhaps men should slow down if their goal is to instil sexual desire. It found that women who were judged to be more friendly and responsive were seen to be more sexually attractive. Men, on the other hand, were viewed as manipulative or looking for a quick fling if they were too eager to please.
A second test by the University of Rochester, US, involved men and women armed with a photo of their “date” interacting online discussing a current problem in their life. Their virtual date was either sympathetic or unsympathetic. Men who interacted with an agreeable and attentive female perceived her as more feminine and as more sexually attractive than did men who found women aloof. However women are more cautious than men when interpreting a stranger’s expressions of friendship.
P rof Birnbaum added: “Some women, for example, may interpret responsiveness negatively and feel uncomfortable about a new acquaintance who seems to want to be close.